week four

Monday: May 19, 2003

Can We Say Desperate?!

ok so we had our ward social today. I went, and kinda hung out with garrett and stephanie. I ended up being aaron's waterballoon volley ball partner. It was WAY too cold for water games, but that's ok. I saw james today too. That was odd. He's still dating joanne. I don't know why they wont just get married, but then again i'm not going to ask. I came home early with Stephanie and Garrett so that they could hang out in the apartment. Craig was walking by so i said hello. He was wearing a shirt that said " now accepting dinner appointments" and then had some times below it. So i told him he cold come up and i'd make him dinner. It wasn't anything big. Just some pasta stuff.. but it was free. his mom died three weeks ago. from cancer. It's one of those things that they knew about, but it's still hard. I'm kinda worried about him. I'm scared to get close though. I don't want to end up married to him. that would bother me. i can't marry and idaho guy.. nope no way!. He's got a lot of little brothers and sisters, so i'm really worried. He's an amazing guy. He left and nicole brought her fiance over. they were a little too clingy for me. but that's just me. i called aaron and asked if he wanted to hang out tomorrow.. we arranged for wednesday. The fone has been OFF THE HOOK... seriously. it hasn't stopped ringing for like two hours. crazy. i hope that we can develope a friendship. he's a cool guy.

Wednesday: May 21, 2003

Bored Bored Bored!

I don't know why this is so nerve racking for me. I feel like a TOTAL idiot. I know that there are tons of other girls who would love to be his girlfriend. I'm just asking to be his friend. Nothing complex. No games. I can't play games never have been able to. Even if I like to think i can. I suck. I got a letter from my brother AAron. He wants to approve him. . . We're just friends.

Friday: May 23, 2003

Down in the Dumps. . . . . Again.

I'm swinging to the low. I just want to cry. I don't know whats wrong. I think i'm having problems with lea. Her boyfriend is moving in with Garrett, so her and Stephanie are real buddy buddy. I don't know. I think i'm going to check myself into the hospital.

Tuesday: July 1, 2003

Whatever Happened to My Opinion matters?!

Ok, so here's my deal. Robbert started this summer out by telling me that he didn't want to date me. And now he's getting all buddy buddy, and trying to be my friend. He stands real close when i'm just standing there. He freakin played with my hair while I was sleeping today! I dunno, it seems to me like he wants to be more than just friends. I don't really know how to get it across to him that I don't. I'm not interested in anything right now. I kinda like beng single. Jake made me another cd today. It excites me. He makes really good cd's. It's a lot of little bands, nothing big. Most of them I haven't heard of. But he always makes stephanie cd's. I hand them to him and he makes me some. the first one's he made me weren't as good as these, but that's ok. I think i was just in the wrong mood for them.

Monday: July 7, 2003

Surf, Sun, Sand. . . Did I Leave anything Out?

Some times I wonder why God even bothers. I've never had a healthy relationship and I think it'll change now?! There's a really nice guy at home who surfs. He's willing to put up with the fact that I suck. I dunno. He seems nice enough. Then there's chris. And i'm still not sure what's going on there. I really don't think he's the right one, but he's so sure of it. I'm happy when he's around on a regular basis, but we always go farther than i want to. It's really becoming a big issue to me. This guy doesn't seem any better about it. I think I just want a new relationship.


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		Monday: May 19, 2003 Can We Say Desperate?! ok so we had our ward social today. I went, and kinda hung out with garrett and stephanie. I ended up being aaron's waterballoon volley ball partner. It was WAY too cold for water games, but that's ok. I saw james today too. That was odd. He's still dating joanne. I don't know why they wont just get married, but then again i'm not going to ask. I came home early with Stephanie and Garrett so that they could hang out in the apartment. Craig was walking by so i said hello. He was wearing a shirt that said " now accepting dinner appointments" and then had some times below it. So i told him he cold come up and i'd make him dinner. It wasn't anything big. Just some pasta stuff.. but it was free. his mom died three weeks ago. from cancer. It's one of those things that they knew about, but it's still hard. I'm kinda worried about him. I'm scared to get close though. I don't want to end up married to him. that would bother me. i can't marry and idaho guy.. nope no way!. He's got a lot of little brothers and sisters, so i'm really worried. He's an amazing guy. He left and nicole brought her fiance over. they were a little too clingy for me. but that's just me. i called aaron and asked if he wanted to hang out tomorrow.. we arranged for wednesday. The fone has been OFF THE HOOK... seriously. it hasn't stopped ringing for like two hours. crazy. i hope that we can develope a friendship. he's a cool guy. Wednesday: May 21, 2003 Bored Bored Bored! I don't know why this is so nerve racking for me. I feel like a TOTAL idiot. I know that there are tons of other girls who would love to be his girlfriend. I'm just asking to be his friend. Nothing complex. No games. I can't play games never have been able to. Even if I like to think i can. I suck. I got a letter from my brother AAron. He wants to approve him. . . We're just friends. Friday: May 23, 2003 Down in the Dumps. . . . . Again. I'm swinging to the low. I just want to cry. I don't know whats wrong. I think i'm having problems with lea. Her boyfriend is moving in with Garrett, so her and Stephanie are real buddy buddy. I don't know. I think i'm going to check myself into the hospital. Tuesday: July 1, 2003 Whatever Happened to My Opinion matters?! Ok, so here's my deal. Robbert started this summer out by telling me that he didn't want to date me. And now he's getting all buddy buddy, and trying to be my friend. He stands real close when i'm just standing there. He freakin played with my hair while I was sleeping today! I dunno, it seems to me like he wants to be more than just friends. I don't really know how to get it across to him that I don't. I'm not interested in anything right now. I kinda like beng single. Jake made me another cd today. It excites me. He makes really good cd's. It's a lot of little bands, nothing big. Most of them I haven't heard of. But he always makes stephanie cd's. I hand them to him and he makes me some. the first one's he made me weren't as good as these, but that's ok. I think i was just in the wrong mood for them. Monday: July 7, 2003 Surf, Sun, Sand. . . Did I Leave anything Out? Some times I wonder why God even bothers. I've never had a healthy relationship and I think it'll change now?! There's a really nice guy at home who surfs. He's willing to put up with the fact that I suck. I dunno. He seems nice enough. Then there's chris. And i'm still not sure what's going on there. I really don't think he's the right one, but he's so sure of it. I'm happy when he's around on a regular basis, but we always go farther than i want to. It's really becoming a big issue to me. This guy doesn't seem any better about it. I think I just want a new relationship.