Thursday: January 31, 2003
So I've been working for a beauty company for three months. I want to go back to school so I can do a little growing up,
and because my parents are moving to the middle of nowhere.I was supposed to be trained to open a couple of weeks ago, but
Shelley never got around to it. Now that I'm leaving she wont train me because she's all into keeping Reesa. Who is a soap
opera and a half! Chris is gone, the army shipped him off to heaven knows where. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad
thing yet. I do know that I needed to get away from him. I couldn't stand on my own around him. I'll have time enough now
to learn to do that. I don't think it helped any that we were very romantically involved. I tend to bend over backwards for
those people. Almost to a detrimental point. It's a long complicated story I'll write down SOME day. Either way I know I need
to get back to school and get away from what's here. James and me are becoming good friends again. Jason told me he loves
me. And brett is throwing a tempertantrum because of something I said to him. I've also become basically homeless because
I can't find anywhere to live up at college. Not a good thing. We'll see where it all ends up, right now I'm just going to
focus on getting rid of this cold.
If I Ever Survive Life. . . I want a Medal.
I don't know if I'm hurt or not. I mean I should be, but I think I'm too numb to do anything about it. I've lost my car,
my chance to go back to school, and now i've lost my job. I don't know what to do. I feel lost, and hopeless. I feel like
I've been gutted and set on auto-pilot. I just wish someone would save me.

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Thursday: October 31, 2002
Happy Halloween
My nephew Steven was a pumpkin for Halloween He was totally cute. I love that kid I hope I get one just like him. I work
tomorrow. I hope I don't mess it up too bad. It's my first day and that makes me nervous! |
Monday: October 14, 2002
The Little Engine that wanted to, but never got the oil changed
If there isnt anything I hate more than Lucifer himself itd have to be over protective people. My dad has decided that
I am NOT telling him the truth when I say that Im doing something for mom. I disconnected their phone in the bedroom so that
they wouldnt wake up when I logged off the internet. We have this psycho person who calls our house at like 3AM every night.
Mom didnt want to deal with it. I wanted to get on the net, so I unplugged the Phone. I figured that would fix the problem.
Boy was I wrong. Dad came in and was all upset because I had unplugged the phone, and because I had called to explain that
I wasnt coming to Chris. It was just a big mess, and I can hardly wait to get out of here. Some times I just want to hurt
something. I want to hit my dad sometimes. I never would, but I dont think he will ever understand that I AM an adult. He
treats me like Im a little kid. Like he can still tell me what to do. He doesnt want me to do things so he makes it as hard
as he can. He withdraws all support, and cuts me off at the knees. I really hate him. He doesnt love me at all. Hes just concerned
with his own welfare. What will make him look bad as a Father. My mom doesnt always understand but she understands that Im
and adult and at this point all she can do is pray that I remember what she taught me when I was little, and love me. She
understands that she cant tell me what to do anymore. That Im a legal adult and as such I can chose to do whatever I want
with my money and my time. Im sure that I will be grounded from the phone, and the internet until further notice. Which is
totally lame because its not like I dont pull my weight and earn the right to use them. I swear! Youd think I lived in Nazi
Germany!!